It has been many weeks since I have written here. This is mostly because of my busy work/school schedule, but also because I had nothing to say. When I decided to make a blog it was with the purpose of not only writing about my grief, but also creating conversations for anyone reading the blog. I also wanted to give myself a space to think in writing. It is an aspect of my own grief to get in the mode of denying my feelings. This does work as a coping skill---if only temporarily.

One of my promises to myself after Michael's accident was to incorporate "Mike-ism's" into my life. Mike was extremely interested in numbers and how they related to life. His favorite numbers were 3 and 7 because of their Biblical references. He liked how intrinsic numbers are to life. I, on the other hand despise anything that relates to math. If it were possible, I would never take another math class; but in finishing my bachelor's degree my University decided to torture me with this subject. This week we studied Probability. It made me think of Michael, and of the creator of Math (no, not the Greeks). This morning I had to write about proofs for the Pythagorean Theorem. When I saw this assignment I wanted to run screaming from my computer, but I had to do it "urgh". I, unbelievably, enjoyed it. The reason that it made me think of Michael is because he knew that numbers always show that there are no coincidences in life. This went along with his intuitiveness. Seven days prior to his accident he met me at Stone Brewery's Bistro. We were there while Austin worked and Jeanette and Dewey met us there. I was talking to Austin and when I turned to look at Michael. His eyes were filled with tears. He grabbed my arm and said that he didn't want me to be sad if something happened to him. When I saw the look on his face my eyes welled with tears too. I said "Honey, don't say that. Nothing is going to happen to you".

There is sense even when life seems senseless. Michael's accident seems senseless to me now, but I know that the God who created math (and me) will also reveal the meaning to me when I see him. In the meantime, I will take another lesson from Mike---to "think differently". Life is rife (yeah I'm a poet) with challenges. Some days I am willing to meet them, and other days I struggle. Today, I am reminded that there is an order to everything and that gives me some peace.