I have several reasons for starting this blog, but the only one I can "own up to" is my desire to have a place to communicate my thoughts during this unwanted fork in the road. Words have power...hopefully to heal.

The background photo is the last one taken of my family all together. It was taken a few months prior to David's passing. Although he does not look like his healthy self I still love this photo. We were coming home after a visit to Vegas to see The Blue Man Group show. We had a blast. We were never very good about taking a lot of photos, which makes this one a treasure. Austin took this one with his phone. I love my precious family.

It has only been a little more than a month since Michael's accident took his life. What can a Mommy say? His unique light in my life is gone and I am suffering daily. Comfort----what's that? Hope----yes. My Christian faith gives me the hope of seeing David and Michael again in Paradise. But, I LIVE in the "meantime". So, lately that involves reading everything I can get my hands on related to discovering my life in God, faith, and my ultimate purpose here in the years ahead.

Which of us actually accepts that life in all of its glory includes suffering? I know I don't, and I have had a "lion's share" of it. On my better days, I know that there must be some ultimate good that will come from my losses. But, on my worst days my vision for that is as clear as mud. In fact, if someone could see into my brain I am sure it looks like a Chinese checkers game and someone is taking a long time to make a move.

I am so grateful for the family and friends who have prayed, called, texted, and written. The effect is immeasurable. Mike's friends, especially, have shown their love for him in ways that are written on my heart.

I am going to TRY to journey forward. But I know that will involve many missteps and falls backwards. Maybe I will learn something along the way that I can pass along.